This week, the "big" girls went out of town for a little mommy-daughter fun at Disneyland. Maggie had no idea what was happening, just that she and Mommy were going on an adventure. With every discovery - parking at the airport, getting on a plane, taking a taxi, checking in at a hotel, seeing the Disneyland brochures - Maggie became more and more excited.
In the meantime, I am staying home to play Mr. Mom to Gavin and baby Katie. As with anything, routine becomes monotony and leads to boredom, but for now, this has been the most fun I've had in a while. I'm sure part of it is the fact that I don't have to go into the office, or keep up with emails and other crazy-ass requests that my boss sends my way. But having such complete autonomy is something I have never known. To have a "job" that is completely independent of someone else's direction, I almost don't know what to do. Of course there are my two little managers directing where I need to spend my time - change a diaper, play on the floor, make a meal, clean something up, get them to bed, get him to school and soccer practice - but it is such a different dynamic than a corporate desk job. I feel happier. Free.
What's kind of funny about it, is that I have been checking my BlackBerry at times, and kind of keeping an eye on email. I have been thinking about work some, and mentally going through various checklists of things that need to get done, trips I need to plan for, slide decks I need to build. But I am doing it without the same feeling of dread that I would normally have. So much of my unhappiness and dissatisfaction clearly comes from having to go to the office and work in such a shitty little cubicle. The other part is that feeling - some of it a little self-imposed - that I am chained to the desk and to my email. The reality is that I could probably have a little more autonomy in my job if I worked on it. I mean, my boss is in NJ for crying out loud! As long as I answer my phone, respond to critical emails, and demonstrate that I am productive, would it really matter that much that I wasn't in the office?
I'm sure after two days of this, my perspective will change a little. I won't be so happy staying home with the kids. I'll get bored, tired of diapers and meals, frustrated with driving back and forth to events (and don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate that having two kids to care for is a lot different than having 3), but for now, I love it, and plan on enjoying every second of it. Right up until I have to check into that crappy-ass cubicle again on Thursday.
